Life Begins…After Cancer

Life

Gerson Ended, Herbalife Began, BEST came into my life and I bounced from the coach to Karate, from fatigue to FitClub!!

What a 10 months it has been. Last November we moved out of my in-laws and into a rental at Mount Coolum. It was a tough adjustment in all ways; financially, emotionally and not least of all, physically. At that stage the only way I could get the plates out of the cupboard was hands and knees on the floor, passing them up onto the bench top one by one. I had no core muscle strength, could not bend my knees properly and was wasted and weak from the second round of surgery to remove the stoma (colostomy reversal) and restore my large bowel. How blessed and fortunate I felt that was possible, and it worked! But 2 rounds of major surgery (another 5 hours under the knife), well the second “unzipping’ was hard to come back from.

recovery

Months of rehab ensued, with the help of a personalised Yoga Rehab-at-home program. Joyfully I began walking around our vegetative neighbourhood. It was blissful to be outdoors, strolling along the flat paths, past the forest of Mount Coolum and toward the glorious seaside! Every day I hugged myself with joy, happy danced around the house and felt INCREDIBLY ALIVE. All of me felt zingingly alive!alivejumpsnoopy

Teaching English as a Second Language (TESOL/TEFL) was underway, both online and I attended school. Simultaneously my dear and generous friend, Louisa visited, who had always asked me to come for a holiday break to her home in Malaysia, (where her maid  – that’s what is done over there – would do my juicing and enema solutions, food and washing, so I could rest, and so could Russell(back at home!), reiterated her kind offer. Over to Kuala Lumpur I flew in late May. It was life changing. We did a Transcendental Meditation course over 5 days, I rested, relaxed, regrouped.

The Gerson Therapy was coming to a close and on my mind was ‘what next’ health wise and creating my new life. Lou gave me an unintended Herbalife education, by giving me the products while I was captive!! Despite my wanting to not like them (I had ‘issues’), I found myself feeling really good on them; more energy, not so hungry, less tired, all in a few days. Hmmmm, I had to think about that one. I saw her world, met other people in the business, customers and distributors alike. I heard amazing stories of health, healing and wealth. It touched me. In a flash-bulb moment I saw all my knowledge, skills and abilities coming together under one umbrella to help people.

So many people need health awareness, wellness coaching and weight loss. With my Psychology degree, Human Physiology, Nutrition, Education background, coupled with my personal experience of eating Paleo, Macro-biotic, Vegetarian, Vegan, Raw and Gerson, throw in the cancer experience, starvation and near death….I figured I had something to offer people. Post-cancer, I knew I wanted to help people to heal; body, mind, heart and soul. Herbalife is a match to that. i was stunned when I heard their philosophy, which was exactly the same as Gersons; give the body the nutrition it needs and it naturally works toward wellness! While it isn’t certified organic, it is clean, live, unsynthetic and it really does what it says. And believe me when I say that I was hung up on opinions and not facts for a decade!

I hear the real question on peoples lips; Why did I choose Herbalife? What I’m about to explain blew my proverbial socks off. After 2 years of juicing only clean, fresh, local organic produce covering the size of our large kitchen table weekly, and consuming as much as I could stuff into my body 3 times a day, my body was still deficient in minerals and nutrients! This is despite soaking, sprouting and food-combining a-la vegan style. It was not enough.

How did I know I was deficient? Two reasons. Firstly how I felt. Chronically tired, lethargic, and my muscles wasted from the cancer and surgery years. It was really hard to build them back up. Secondly, my regular monthly blood tests showed deficiency in Iron, Ferritin, Magnesium, Calcium. Though additionally, I was supplementing (58 tablets per day), and eating fish and eggs. Enter Herbalife (I kept on organics, juicing etc, no change there) and….no more iron deficiency, normalised Magnesium Folate Zinc Calcium. I had energy, beginnings of endurance and I felt markedly different. Shocking proof that a) our soils thus foods really are deficient, and b) Herbalife really is good stuff! Herbalife, plus organic and whole foods, plus exercise and fitness are part of my long-term wellness plan. Throw in B.E.S.T therapy and I have a  package to help just about anyone. That’s what I wanted. Food, Mood….Life’s Good!

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Russ and I & so enjoyed the benefits of our BEST treatments with the skilled and gifted Donna Sutor, that we both knew that to learn it was for us. November will see us doing the training at Noosa. The Family BEST I was taught in May was a prelude to taking it deeper. Working at the level of the subconscious and beliefs, which run our lives, is rewarding. Balancing the nervous system is tremendously beneficial and all of us are thriving. Me, I’ve delightedly recovered a zest for life lost to me as a child. Like the dog that’s been let out of the gate after a long lock up!

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The July CT scan plus the August colonoscopy confirmed that I’m 2.5 years cancer-free!! YIPPEEEEEEE. My surgeon told me that with every passing year the likelihood of metastases occurring drop dramatically, ’till at the 5 year mark there’s no risk at all.

Would I do Gerson Therapy over again? Yes I would. Would I do it as long as I did? No. Intuitively, I needed to discontinue it about March this year. I could feel I was negatively protein derived and in January/February both sets of doctors had to change my diet away from Gerson because I needed more sodium and had serious side-effects. But I was scared. Gerson was my life-line. It took my very compassionate and kind GP to show me that the best path I could walk was one that was in-tune with my body’s needs and that i really was ready for that.

Have I learnt from my cancer years? Yes. Much. Inside I am  permanently changed. It’s now ‘me first’. My care, my feelings toward me, my nourishment, caring for my body, time with my love, my family; these things are all sacrosanct, No.1 and not-negotiable. Everyone and everything else comes second. Yes, i will grow a business, be a working parent and wife. My burning desire is to to give, help and care for others…after myself! Consequently our son is super self-sufficient. Selfish is the new self-love peepoh!

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Here’s to new beginnings, fresh starts and the JOY of living!  heart

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Cancer Related Websites & Info..

cancer
Getting a cancer diagnosis can be terribly frightening and disempowering. There is some reliable and accurate information available , other than what physicians or oncologists have said, if you are the type of person who likes to independently research, read and find out more.
The following links are to assist you in learning more about cancer, it causes, it’s possible cures and treatments, and how unresolved and untreated childhood trauma is an indicator of future illness. This information is scientifically researched and very interesting. I hope, if you have cancer or know someone who does, you find some answers or valuable pointers here.
ACE STUDY LINK
http://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/
The ACE study link, which is one of the most comprehensive studies done in the world on childhood trauma resulting in adult illness. Called The ACE study. This site explains it well and includes the questionnaire, which you can score yourself. The website states:

“There are 10 types of childhood trauma measured in the ACE Study. Five are personal — physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical neglect, and emotional neglect. Five are related to other family members: a parent who’s an alcoholic, a mother who’s a victim of domestic violence, a family member in jail, a family member diagnosed with a mental illness, and the disappearance of a parent through divorce, death or abandonment. Each type of trauma counts as one. So a person who’s been physically abused, with one alcoholic parent, and a mother who was beaten up has an ACE score of three.There are, of course, many other types of childhood trauma — watching a sibling being abused, losing a caregiver (grandmother, mother, grandfather, etc.), homelessness, surviving and recovering from a severe accident, witnessing a father being abused by a mother, witnessing a grandmother abusing a father, etc. The ACE Study included only those 10 childhood traumas because those were mentioned as most common by a group of about 300 Kaiser members; those traumas were also well studied individually in the research literature.

The most important thing to remember is that the ACE score is meant as a guideline: If you experienced other types of toxic stress over months or years, then those would likely increase your risk of health consequences.”

The link for the TED talk by Nadine Burke Harris, a Paediatrition, who cites the ACE study and its applications and applies this information. She informs us how childhood trauma changes our brains and results in a killer stress response if there is no intervention.
http://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/
http://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime
nadine
“Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve experienced high levels of trauma are at triple the risk for heart disease and lung cancer. An impassioned plea for pediatric medicine to confront the prevention and treatment of trauma, head-on.”

The Truth About Cancer, and The Quest for the Cures documentary series and website: 

http://www.thetruthaboutcancer.com.

For Info on cancer, nutrition, detox, treatments and healing. The most comprehensive research and information that can be found to date, 2015.

To watch the trailers on the excellent 11 part documentary series on Quest for The Cure of Cancer, by Ty Bollinger. The most comprehensive information put together on cancer to date.

http://thetruthaboutcancer.com/fall_quest1.php

thetruthaboutcancer-logo

World’s First Alternative News Service

Do you want both regular mainstream news AND alternative news?

News that is not reported in mainstream media, but is sourced, verifiable and valid? News and information that is scientifically based or passed over by the main media outlets?

Well, here it is! The first ever alternative newsfeed in the world, the Alternative News Project or ANP. 

The link below will take you to the website.

http://alternativenewsproject.org/index.php?referrer=kat

There’s two easy options: subscribe your favourite topic for FREE, or subscribe to as many topics (or the entire categories) for $4.95 per month. You can be as selective as you like and customise your daily news feed. For example, if your hot topic is GMO’s, vaccination, cancer, health and healing, or UFO’s, Power off Grid…there are so many subjects to choose from.

ANP
Why am I advocating this news service?
Firstly, I’m a subscriber and want an easy-to-source newsfeed daily. No longer do I need to troll the search engines for information, it comes to me daily! And, my brother-in-law, Duncan Roads, is the brains behind this innovative and future-sighted project. He has run the very credible and influential Nexus magazine for decades and
has been a world voice on news that mainstream media refuse to run. He wants people to hear more of the truth and make informed decisions.
Check it out..
ANP2
and remember….be kind to yourself and ‘bring love’ to all you choose to do! XX Kat
hearts4

Living Without Anxiety..

…Living without anxiety – this is something I’ve known very little about!

After healing from major surgery again (Stoma reversal June last year, 2014 – WOOOHOOO!), then dealing with a bullying sister-in-law, moving out of Russ’ parents home and beginning financially on our own, and continuing with the Gerson Therapy regime…I’ve seen how stressed I can get!

Anxiety is a horrible affliction. One really does “suffer” from it. Turns out I’ve been experiencing anxiety symptoms most of my life, but never knew that was what it was. A light-bulb went on when my psychologist said “anxiety is about the future, depression is about the past; Katrina you experience anxiety”. That simple statement was an “ah-hah” for me and now I know what I’m dealing with and why I do the patterns of thought that I do. More importantly, I can stop it. Anxiety is a form of fear. Fear that bad things are going to happen. A person experiencing anxiety is not in the present time, not in the now, they are in a future that hasn’t actually occurred, but they believe it has already.

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Anxiety itself can’t be ‘processed’, it is the precursor to panic. It isn’t real. It is a learnt pattern of thinking and behaving. It robs a person of joy, safety, and the capacity to choose what happens next for them, because to them, “next” is already a done deal. Anxiety is also worry, fretting and obsessing…usually over things like money, someone getting hurt, what people think if the house isn’t clean, not getting jobs completed, doing things on time (or not), …trivial and major life issues.

Here is what I have learnt over the past 18 months about learning to not live with Anxiety. My experience is gleaned from 2 psychologists, the Mindfulness Meditation course and a Breathology seminar I participated in. I’m sharing it in case some of it is helpful. I have and am applying it all. I have alarm alerts in my phone, books/journals in the house, I do short check-in meditations daily…and lots of new kinder self-talk! Where I am headed is a better place and my feelings of anxiety have reduced substantially. It still ‘hits” periodically, but I have to tools now to help myself, even if it is a bit messy at times. I no longer feel the same degree of helplessness and out of control like I did. I can now see that 99.9% of my anxiety is simply not true and not to go there. But it has taken time. xx Kat

anxiety girl

Tips for Diminishing Anxiety

Do a Mindfulness Meditation course or process. It teaches a person to be present to all of themselves, to reduce or eliminate the “secondary suffering” that the mind and thinking processes put us through on top of the initial problem or issue. It puts you back in charge of yourself because you are the Boss of you, not your unchecked thoughts. Meditation is about greater self-awareness, so you are in a position of greater choice. It isn’t about “nothingness” or denial. It isn’t pushing any thought or feeling away, it is allowing it to exist. Mindfulness practices can be found online; perhaps someone is running one in your area? I used a book “Mindfulness for Health” by Vidyamala Burch and Danny Penman. It came with a CD. Did it daily for 10 weeks. Loved it.

Breathe. When a person breathes out for double the time they breathe in, they change their physiology. For example, sitting and breathing slowly in on a count of four, pausing, then breathing out slowly on a count of 8. Any count will do, just breath out for twice the time you breathed in. Why? Because Anxiety states are activating the Sympathetic nervous system, otherwise known as the fight, flight or freeze reactions. These speed up the heart rate, divert blood away from digestive processes, secrete hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline and others, all of which over time deplete the body and cause health problems, including immune dysfunction and rob a person of energy. When you stop and breathe out slowly, you shut off the fight/flight pathway and open up the “Rest and Digest” pathway, or the Parasympathetic Nervous system response. The Vagus nerve in this system calms the heart, restores digestion, immune function. It also helps connect you to your self enough that you can once again think rationally and make conscious choices that help you, not harm you.

Check in with yourself 3-5 times per day. Have a diary open on a nearby table or surface. Set your alarm or discipline yourself in whatever way suits, to stop, sit, close your eyes and breathe. You “Check in” with yourself by doing your slow breathing as above, feel your entire physical body and notice what is physically happening in your body (stopped breathing? Heart rate? Stomach area? Muscle tension held?). Be honest about all it feels (don’t deny anything be very kindly honest with yourself and see, notice, feel). Stop the thinking that’s rolling on. Once you’re aware of it, don’t let it go on. Then write down anything you need to express (fears, the ‘playlist’, future worries, repetitive thoughts etc) in order to get back to being here now. If you can’t focus on the activity that you are presently doing, it’s time to STOP and check-in. You most likely will find that that mind chatter that is creating the anxiety is simply untrue and your thoughts are rattling on habitually, because you’ve let them do it all your life so far. That can change.

Anxiety is all about your mind and thinking being in the FUTURE. You are projecting into the future things that have not happened, usually bad ways they will happen and expecting the worst. This is a faulty set of core beliefs that are all learnt and can all be changed, with persistence and repeated practice of the new idea of way of thinking you actually want.

Take the time to write down and notice your ‘inner playlists’! In your mind you have records, tapes, a set of playlists that go on and on, during the day or when certain trigger events happen. Things like “I should have done better, more…” etc. “I’m no good at that…”, “this x or y thing is going to happen again and it won’t be any good”….”I can’t change, I am powerless, helpless, hopeless”….and there are many more. Listen to your own repetitive negative playlists. Over the course of a week, write every single one down in your “check in” book/journal. Try to get them all.

Ask yourself: “whose voice is that?”. If it’s not yours, it is time to wipe it. Stop it. Stop listening to it. Replace it – over time (takes months). When the playlist starts playing in your head, catch it, either tell it to stop or just shut it off and play the one you want to hear.

Don’t make the mistake of going to war with you. That is the root of anxiety as well. You want to be kind, loving, and gentle to yourself, like you are your own best friend. You only defeat this with loving, patient self-care. Growing your love for yourself is your goal, not beating your precious self up.

Feel. When strong emotions arise, like angry feelings, or very sad feelings like you want to cry – express them. Do it safely; as take yourself to a private place to let out the anger or a private secure place to let the tears flow.

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Write letters to yourself, as if you were the best friend, the BFF, talking to you about difficult situations. What advice and care would you give to your bestie in her time of need, or her/his difficulty, when going through a change? Practice giving this to yourself, talking to yourself in this way and caring for you as “she or he” would. Like I said, it takes practice. All children learn repetitively.

When anxiety hits. Sit, breathe, talk to yourself – ask, “Is this true?” “Is this happening right now?” Am I telling myself the truth or the old “playlist”? What is the truth? Focus on being right here, right now and what is real in this moment. This is different to a panic-attack, I’m only talking about an anxiety moment where a person feels out of control, too busy, not doing what they want but are on auto-pilot or thoughts are running away talking rubbish at you. Then notice how you feel.

Take Action: Most fears are not real, thought they sure do feel it. A person needs to take action to learn whether or not the anxiety talk or fear is what is going to actually happen in reality. A few times of testing it out, doing that thing you were nervous about and during the process mindfully watching to see if the thoughts and fear talk actually happens. It is very powerful to watch when it does not and to see how your mind plays tricks on you, and those faulty core beliefs are changeable through taking action and seeing for yourself.

You will stumble, “fail”, revert, back to your old ways during the transition time of breaking this pattern (months at least). Some days you may feel like you’ve made no progress at all. But that is your old thought patterns trying to sabotage you…don’t focus on that. Try not to believe it. Tomorrow is a brand new day, wakeup and set your intentions again to nurture, support and help you into your new ways of loving you and living anxiety free. Watch a child; learning something new takes practice, repetition, persistence and self-belief.

Involve God, or whom/whatever you believe in. We are not alone in this universe. Whether you believe in God, the Universe, Spirit, Source…whatever, there is a benevolence that wants only our good and works to support us and guide us in the most positive of ways. Ask for help. Set your “intention” to be supported, loved and gently guided through your journey to a new way of thinking and living. It makes a big difference. It strengthens our faith in a world that has our backs, even if we weren’t taught that as children. Love prevails if were willing to allow it to.

Blood & Urine Tests. If your anxious feelings are persistent and debilitating, you need the kind of help that is more than these few ‘tips’. Perhaps see your Doctor for a urine test for Pyroluria, which robs the body of much needed Vitamin B6 and Zinc, which require therapeutic doses to restore the body. Blood tests can reveal other mineral deficiencies, liver function, iron storage in the body, B12 and Vitamin D3; all of which affect mood when they are too low.

Acceptance. Make this a focus. Acceptance is not ‘putting-up-with’. Acceptance is no longer fighting what you can’t change or control. Can you change somebody else? When you make acceptance important, the question you ask yourself is: Can I change this about that person? If not, what do I need to accept that I need to do to allow them to be the way they are? What do I need to accept about myself? True acceptance is emotional peace with someone or something. Acceptance is a step-by step-path to healing the things we feel are out of our control.

Of course, none of these tips replace your own wisdom, or advice from a qualified health professional.

When the anxiety is understood and has diminished enough that you feel in charge of you, it also helps to imagine your life without worry, stress or those daily fears. To see and feel what your life can be without this pattern of living opens up your world to new possibilities. If you can imagine it, you can create it. I am beginning to realize that I am, we are creative, more than we ever realize. If I didn’t create my anxiety, I have perpetuated it by my lack of awareness of what it is and how it ran my life, and I can turn that around.

I hope you do too. Gratitude is natural when we don’t worry. ❤ gratitude

Love isn’t sacrifice; its Passion!

This morning as I woke up I read this Anita Moorjani post on my FB newsfeed and it clanged around in my heart and chest like a resounding bell for hours:

“I am here, on Earth to express love and passion in all I do”.

You know when the light bulb goes on and the truth of the statement just keeps on coming and coming to you? That was this statement for me today.

lightbulb

Ponder on it. That means, you only take action, do stuff that you feel passion for or love for – all of the time, 24/7 and nothing else! This could be very scary. A real game-changer. Or it could be the permission we all needed to bust out of a rut and go for it. It could look like the most selfish thing on earth. Maybe love is really selfish? But if were all ‘selfish’ in this way….the only thing that exists would be people doing things they love, with people they love, passionately enjoying life. Not the planet I live on!

Can you try this? Take the challenge for one day. Make the choice to only do things where you express your love and passion.

Think about this for example, your kids want you to take them to sports. Not feeling the love or the passion? Don’t do it.

Your asked by your children to baby sit your grandkids. Not feeling passion for that task? Don’t do it. Say no today.

You usually cook the family meal. Not feeling any love for food prep, no passion for cooking? Don’t do it.

Today is a work day, not feeling any love for work, no passion for it. Don’t go. Yoga is on the schedule, no passion for it today? Don’t do it.

Today is clean the house day, not feeling the lurv? Want to lie down and read a book all day long. Act on your passion today.

Last week you promised your friend to help move house. Today you loathe the idea, not feeling the love. Say no!

Leave a vacuum for someone else who is feeling the passion to step right on in and do that thing.

Does that bring up feelings of guilt? Horrific thoughts of “I can’t possibly do that?!”, or “My kids will rebel, riot and revolt”?.

Or maybe, “what will they think of me?”. And “I should be doing this” or this doozy….that’s not love…that’s my duty, I have to do that as a parent/mother/grandparent/sibling/employee etc.

And, If I can’t say with love, care, kindness, tenderness, to nourish, to nurture, to care…then don’t speak.  If the words are not genuinely constructive, uplifting, designed to offer love….be silent. Hmmmmmmm.

I reckon this is the ultimate way to decide whether your heart is in your life or not. One day of this could be hard going, could be life-changingly liberating, earth-shatteringly terrifying or just what the doctor ordered.

It’s a sure-fire way to reveal if you, me, us are living from any passion at all. How much love have we put into our lives? How much of our life is obligation, must-do’s and have-to’s?

MrSmiley

But doesn’t this notion turn your life on its head? And at a guess, it will show how much those around you have put the love and passion into their choices too. What I mean is, if you choose to paint a picture all day, or walk the dog for hours when you otherwise would be doing an obligatory task for someone else (kids, partner, parents etc) and those some-one else’s have a few negative things to say to you (or not say but you feel the vibe anyways) are you going to be guilted into doing what they want you to do…get into the sacrificing yourself mode? Or are you going to go with the “love” choice and see where the proverbial pieces lie? Come up with other solutions for them? Or let them come up with solutions themselves and you simply support them to do the new thing to get what they wanted?

This whole statement and approach opens up the proverbial can of worms about how to live our lives and be happy. If I only eat what I feel love about, inspired about, if I only choose activities that I feel passionate about today, right now, if I am only with my child, husband, friends when I feel I want to connect with them, give my love to them, express kindness, care and warmth to them, seeking nothing in return…I will feel so much love that is already inside of me and will naturally feel happy. If I seek to feel God because I want to give love, not get it, then I will automatically feel a deep loving connection too.

For me, I’m realising post-cancer, that happiness is first doing what I love, with a genuine feeling of love, and feeling passion for all that I do, for all whom I’m with and if I’m not, stopping to examine. To examine why I don’t feel OK about what I’m doing, but am doing it anyway. Taking the leap of faith that choosing work, tasks and activities where I feel love and passion, enthusiasm and enjoyment and excitement will sustain me emotionally and financially. It’s that or be the walking dead. Been there, done that, nearly killed me.

These are passion-killers: guilt, self-punishment, self-judging, duty-bound, “should’s” and “have-to’s”. During the challenge, let’s try replace them with ‘don’t-wanna’, ‘aunt-gonna’, nope and ‘only-if-i-love-to’!

Take the challenge for one day. Make the choice to only do things where you express your love and passion. Let it reveal where you’re truly happy or not. Where you could bring more love, more passion, more inner happiness into your life, no matter the consequences. We don’t live life this way do we? But what if we did….

happiness

Long lastingFulfillment can’t be the getting, it has to be the giving…and receiving may be a reciprocal part of that, but it comes all by itself. Nothing we need to get from another person can be reliably sustaining because it comes from outside of ourselves and means our happiness depends on them giving it.

I’m going to find out. For a day, make it my focus, mission, priority to express love in as many ways as possible to myself, my tasks, my loves. And if I’m not feeling it, cease what I’m doing and ask myself “where is the love? And do I want to keep doing this?” and maybe even “why not”.

Kat        heart

ps, http://www.ecotoys4kids.com is a window to all things Amazon…and is kinder to the planet; kinder to our kids and every purchase helps me juice my way to wellness, 1 red cabbage a week!

If Cancer’s not random…what’s going on?

“The problem with humanity is not cancer or sickness, it’s the lack of the Vitamin pill of love” Dr Pedro Cervantes, Gerson Therapy Cancer Care Physician

“Genes are not destiny. What activates genes? It’s the environment, stupid!”…Perceptions override genetics”. Bruce Lipton, The Biology of Belief.

Cancer was a really big deal for me. I never thought I would get it, that it would “happen” to me. I truly believed I was above and beyond it!! (arrogant I know). Gosh I’ve been taken down a few pegs! So, this question of “what causes cancer?” has been rattling and burbling around inside me for over a year now. After many months of soul-searching, inner enquiry, reading books, researching and personal epiphanies, and after 2 rounds of surgery….I have some theories. Maybe not “the” answers, but I’m less in the dark about the causes of cancer than I was 12 months ago, and more at peace with how to deal with it, maybe even how to cure it and I certain that cancer is not random. It’s not contagious, you can’t catch it from anyone or anything. Cancer is a breakdown of the body’s own immune defences, its own self-care, its own healing mechanism. Cancer is a body turned on itself.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not allocating blame. If cancer is not random, if cancer has a specific set of causes, what that means is we can be responsible for healing it, fixing it, uncreating it, resolving it, being free of it. I feel that no one is to blame for the cancer in their body, but something caused it. Somethings they did or didn’t do, did or didn’t inherit (emotionally, mentally and physically) and being open to the possibilities of its causes, rather than victim to it, to me, is essential to surviving it.

Something, something’s, caused the cancer in my body. And here’s my exploration as to what and why. It has been an empowering journey.

brucelipton

While convalescing I read Bruce Lipton’s fascinating and insightful book, The Biology of Belief. Bruce is a cellular biologist, specialised in cloning, and medical researcher and lecturer, who had an ephipany some 20 years ago about how cells truly function. As as scientist myself (some years ago + degree in physiology and psychology), I love reading this stuff! He points out quite clearly that the “old biology” is that your sick, its your genes. Which is no longer completely true. He discovered the “New Biology”, which is “you’re controlled by the way you respond to the world”, you can live with a deleterious gene and never switch it on. This is profound. This means we actually have TOTAL control over what switches a gene on or off. But, exercising that control is whole other thing all together. What he found to be true is that Perceptions override genetics.

This is the new science of epigenetics, which means “above” genetics, which means control above the gene level. Put simply, if you can change your perceptions, you can change your world. If you can change your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions, you can change your world at the cellular level and at the level of how your life plays out in all its facets.

How did Bruce find this out?

In the process of many experiments cloning cells (genetically identical cells), putting them into cell groups, and changing their cellular environments. The result was completely different sets of cells. Same cell, different environment, resulted in a completely different cellular response. The environment changed the cell.

He states that our cells are in a blood based environment. The composition of the blood controls the fate of the cells. The brain is the chemist – the brain releases chemicals into the bloodstream, that then bathe the cells. Being mindful that we have 50 trillion cells in our bodies! What controls the brain? The mind, that perceives feelings, is then translated from feelings into chemicals (e.g. dopamine, seratonin, growth hormones and a heap more), which are released into the blood and the blood carries these to the cell interface. For example, if I feel fear thoughts or feelings, my brain will release stress hormones and inflammatory agents into the blood stream. The brain controls the behaviour of the body’s cells….which is very important to consider when we are blaming our organs or cells or tissues for the ill health we experience.

Here’s the magic; get this…when Bruce took blood from a person feeling love emotions, and placed in a petrie dish of cells, the cells grow beautifully.
When he took blood from a person feeling fear and placed it in a culture dish of cells, the cells stopped growing. They immediately went into a protection and close down state. In short, fear kills cells, it shuts them down. The simple truth too is that, when you are frightened, you are literally dumber! Fear shuts down learning and taking things in.

Bruce also discovered biologically, along with Quantum Physics, that “matter and energy are entangled”. The mind is energy, the body is matter and they are inextricably bound. Try as we might, we can’t truly separate the reciprocal effects of our minds effect on our physical matter, our bodies.

Thoughts and emotions have a measurable energy wave pattern. “Thoughts can activate or inhibit cellular function in either a constructive or destructive wave pattern”. Bruce advocates that Quantum Physics discoveries “trump” established scientific “truths” (that are still really only theories anyway). However, it is known that the conscious mind only runs the show at best only 5% of the time! That’s not very much. The so-called “subconscious” stuff is what needs changing. The stuff that we are not aware of, that drives us from the backseat, that was embedded as children, that was inherited sets of faulty beliefs and self-limiting feelings. The brain is responding to this, sending out signals that our little cells are responding too, like it or not.

“Once we deal with our powerfully creative subconscious mind – we are NOT stuck with our genes or our self-defeating behaviours”, Bruce says. Now, much of this I have heard, read or tried to ‘practice’ before. But seeing it in cold, hard ink, the actual scientific evidence, not the hearsay of socially derided spiritual quackery, is powerful stuff. Personally, I love proof, evidence and solid truths.

So, our cells need to be “bathed” in the right cocktail of a negative solution to switch-on the gene function; a combination of food, toxins, thoughts, emotions and other signals, because the cells of our body are an interactive community.

And I really love Bruce’s closing take on all this… that it will be the “survival of the most loving”, not the “fittest” that will determine our fates in the end. And I wholeheartedly agree. He points out that to fully experience your vitality it takes more than just getting rid of life’s stressors. To fully thrive we must not only eliminate stressors, but also SEEK joyful, loving and fulfilling lives that stimulate growth.

This is exactly what I discovered about myself when I learnt I had cancer and lay in hospital for 23 nights, by myself and felt into my life, my pain, my fears, my situation.

My epiphany was this: That I had a life unlived. That I had to live my life for me. Not for my husband, not for my son or for any children – but for me. I had to have reasons to live that had nothing to do with them. I had to seek out the joy that comes from living out the talents and gifts that are inside of me, God given if you like. And that I had quite a few and needed to tap into them and feel joy from my doing, not joy from external sources such as people, food and things. This rocked me to my core, I felt it as a deep truth, and I also grieved the fact that I did not know this my whole life and that made my happiness dependent on my environment, on other people and therefore completely out of my control. That, my psychologist would say, is a faulty core belief. And one that changed in a moment. A painful, but liberating, life-creating moment. In that moment of realisation, my love for myself truly began.

And that is why I feel I will heal from cancer.

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Anita Moorjani’s book, “Dying to be me also touched me deeply. She had a NDE (near death experience) that instantly cured her cancer, she was in a coma close to death and it can all be medically proven. She learnt 2 important things about herself, life and cancer, which is why she spontaneously healed and lived to tell a wonderful story.

Firstly, that cancer is from fears; unfelt, un-processed, unacknowledged fears that ruin and sabotage one’s life. Secondly that cancer is from a lack of self-love. To live fearlessly and to love oneself unconditionally is an absolute necessity to heal from something like cancer is that cancer is the wake up call to face these things.

I found this to be absolutely true. Her words and experience resonated with me so deeply. I knew, from self-examination, my experience with cancer was based in a lack of love for myself, that manifest as emotional eating (though I was so-called “healthy” and vegan), that so many of my life choices were based on my fears and my judgments and my fears about other people’s judgements of me – including my choices to eat Vegan, to go down a “spiritual” path and to be “better” than I was. I abused myself with my choices, not loved myself. In retrospect, my degeneration was long and continuous, from the age of 17.

It seems I always believed this (another faulty core belief harming my body); that there were only ever 2 responses, or reactions to life’s situations: Fight or flight. Or what I call, Run or Remain. But, in the past year I’ve discovered, in my heart, that there are other options. Resolution. To remain and Resolve and Restore. Not to react, but to respond without fear or anger. We don’t actually have to fight or flee, to run or remain frozen in a difficult situation. We can, I can resolve and restore relationships or situations defencelessly, with love and compassion. Like the concept of epigenetics being a form of positive life control “above” the gene….LOVE is “above” the fight or flight reaction programmed into our cells. The more one grows love, focuses on love, establishes core beliefs about how love works in our lives, the power and value of it, the greater our influence over our bodily functions.

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There is also the need to address and heal and care for the physical body like never before also. Dr Max Gerson has obviously influenced me greatly too. As founder of the Gerson Therapy, which is a diet based “nutritionally therapeutic” regime, and a known cure for cancer (yes, cure, big claim, but true), he discovered and demonstrated that;

“The more the whole body is detoxified or replenished and activated, the more the cancer is doomed”.

“In cancer, what is essential is not the growth itself or the visible symptoms, it is the damage of the whole metabolism, including the loss of defence, immunity and healing power.”
Dr Max Gerson

He knew that only a detoxified body has both the power of resistance (immune function) and healing, and I believe this to include emotional detoxification. Dr Gerson knew that cancer was not random; he believed cancer to be a breakdown of the body’s immune defences based on food toxins, malnourishment, environmental poisons, and as proof to his theory, most patients on his organic dietary and detox therapy healed of all disease in their bodies, not only cancer.

Looking back with some sincere investigations, my body began “talking” to me about 2010, after a trip to learn to teach harmony singing near Yamba. I stayed at a friends, drank her tank water and had Giardia-type gut symptoms immediately after it. I went to the doctors twice, but no sign of any parasite. It was an unresolved mystery. January 2012 mum came to stay with us at Kentucky. That day the gut cramps began, but I dismissed it all as food allergy, as my tolerance to gluten became zero. By December 2012 I was seriously ill on and off, and began travelling to and fro Sydney with a dear friend, to see a natural practitioner that had helped her with an unusual symptom pattern, and the treatments did help me quite a lot, but little did I know they were restoring temporary function around the cancer that I didn’t know I had and the results could not persist.

By April 14th 2013 I could not poo and began vomiting and the cramps were debilitating and that is when the medical investigations began in earnest. That was the only time I would allow them.

Interestingly, I needed to see a doctor after my recent stoma reversal sugary (last month) because my ear drum had perforated. I didn’t recall ever seeing this doctor but he reminded me that in 2003 I came to see him (he read my case notes) after we returned from our 6 month back-packing honeymoon in Asia and India. I had very upset bowels, and he tested me for a few things and wondered out loud that if a colonoscopy had been done at that time maybe something, a precursor, would have been found way back then, as I’d a history of bowel trouble dating back to when I was 22.

During my life BC (before cancer), I’ve eaten healthily out of a fear of being unhealthy, not from a love of nourishing my body and soul. I’ve lived fearfully, paralysed in many ways, being too afraid of what people think of me in such a way that I’ve prevented myself from singing, playing guitar, beginning anything new and sticking to it. I simply didn’t believe in myself, but wasn’t aware I felt that way. In my low self worth I puffed myself up and became “better” than anyone else (in my self-delusion!) and at the same time let people push me down and tell me who I was or wasn’t, because I believed that was all I deserved. I was lost. The cells of my body have been marinated in more fear, sadness and self-criticism than love or kindness or care toward myself.

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In my heart of hearts, I really do feel that unexpressed fears, locked away inside my body blocked the healthy flow of energy to my bowel organ and definitely contributed to the cancer in me. I was SO afraid of doctors, of medical procedures; so terrified of feeling powerless, of their authority usurping mine, of feeling out-of-control that I wold not permit a colonoscopy until I was 2 days off dead. I felt too ashamed of the notion that someone would stick a tube up my bum (for either colonoscopy or colon hydrotherapy) and avoided it until near death. These fears prevented me from seeking help, from proper diagnoses, until medical intervention and help was THE only option for my survival.

Another important truth I’ve learnt is that, you cannot “fight” cancer and expect to get a healing result. One cannot “fight” a war and win. There are no winners in a war. Cancer is something that exists inside a persons body, that has been created by the body and the person and fighting with yourself is ridiculous. Fighting with yourself is probably a major contributor to cancer in the first place. As Bruce Lipton put it, “survival of the most loving” is the key. Learning to Love and care for yourself in an entirely new way is the way out of cancer. Some call it a shift in ‘consciousness’ (which to me means emotions and thoughts that create our energy field transmissions and attract in our life). Whatever you call it, less fear and more love is it.

I remember distinctly the morning I decided that I could not “fight” this anymore, that I had to go to hospital and be helped. I had a true first experience of surrender. All my “spiritual life” (past 15 years) I heard this word “surrender” bandied about and never had a clue what it meant. I do now. I don’t know how it happened, I can’t analyse it, but I surrendered – surrender is about control. I let go of the control of what was about to happen in my life, I let go of the control over whether I lived or died. I did not give up. I just gave in. I stopped fighting. Stopped controlling my situation. I surrendered to whatever the doctors, nurses, anyone was going to say, do, insist on. I let go for the first time in my life. I allowed whatever was going to happen to happen…and I wasn’t even aware if it was an act of trust. And it turned out better than I could ever have expected and I shed so many tears about that in hospital. The reality of how lovingly and caringly I was treated, how I survived so well, my realisations, my future prospects… all these things I saw were a function of my surrendering the fear, the control and allowing a loving force in life to take over. To me that loving force is not “the universe”, (though it involves the universe) that loving force was, is God.

All my fears about hospitals, doctors, nurses, medico’s, intervention, things poking up my bum or any body orifice are all gone. So is the cancer.

I wonder if I didn’t have them in the first place would cancer have grown in my body? If I had no shame about myself would cancer have been able to take seed in my body? The gut is always hit hard by stress, anxiety, fear. And Bruce Lipton showed me how fear stops cells from functioning and it kills them.

My search for meaning revealed to me that Dr Gerson proves proper plant food nutrition is essential to healing, alongside effective detoxification. Dr Bruce Lipton demonstrates how our energy fields in the form of thoughts and feelings affect every cell in our bodies and show that we are not powerless victims to our biology, but masterful creators of our health and life and healers of our dis-ease. Anita Morjani experienced first hand the healing power of being fear-free, growing self-worth and unconditionally loving and accepting herself and thus healing from cancer. My Psychologist, Rose, showed me that false or faulty core beliefs will run my life until I remove and replace them. AJ Miller introduced me to deep emotional release in the company of God, which supports healing and has helped me experience truths about myself, about life and about how life really works (differently to what I was taught as a child). My extended family showed me how the power of being loved, being believed in and being wanted and worthy also has the power to heal.

Now that I’ve led you through my investigative journey, what does all this mean for someone who gets cancer and wants to move from victim to victor?

This is my current “prescription”, (which I’m sure will be a moveable feast over the coming years):

Number 1: Clean up your diet and physical environment. Forget the western ‘food pyramid’. Your life is at stake, your body is dying. You’ve NOTHING to lose and everything to gain by experimenting with nutritionally based healing that has worked for hundreds of thousands of others. This involves Juice – fresh, live organic fruit and veggie juice. Detoxify your body – either via the Gerson style coffee enema’s or some other way. It is fundamental to heal and restore your liver. Have as much organic fruit and veggie’s as you can get. NO more chemicals or additives. The cancer body can’t deal with them and heal too. If you must eat meat, buy organic, only deep sea fish (not farmed) and procure the best quality organic truly free-range eggs, or get your own chickens. Drink clean water – no fluoride, no chlorine, distilled home-made is the best for a sick body (devoid of inorganic minerals). No more chemical cleaning products at home or on the body, go organic where possible. Make the effort to love, nourish and nurture your body and soul in this way.

Number 2: Find the stuff you are excited and passionate about and go do it! Find a reason to live that has nothing to do with your friends, family, children, pets, physical things…work to discover the things inside of yourself that you can do to bring you joy and pleasure. Do something that makes your heart sing every single day, no excuses. Investigate some truths about how life really works, the Law of Attraction at least.

Number 3: Choose whatever Therapy floats your proverbial boat (chemo, radiotherapy, surgery, nutritional therapy, natural therapy)…anything you feel you must do to live well, but go clean anyway and see Number 1.

Number 4: Seek help emotionally & mentally. Dig, excavate and discover your hidden self. Root out those toxic thoughts and faulty core beliefs, grow your courage, diminish your fears and increase that self-worth and self-love. Ditch the silent inner critic and make it heard, not hidden. Remove that resistance to change, the fear of living your true life. Ask yourself “What is my life un lived?” Be brutally honest with yourself while you are alive now, coz you’ll be forced to anyways when your dead. No more censuring. And FEEL. Express those emotions, get them out of your body. Holding them in is a killer. Yell, weep, rage, tantrum, shake..its all OK, none of it will kill you, do it with the safety of your therapist or privately at home. Just don’t do it “at” somebody. Release it and you will feel better. Investigate what you don’t like in yourself, what is not working in your life, where you are critical of you…get to know you better than your cancer does.

Number 5: Ground. Earth. Yep, its real simple. Take your shoes off, go outside and put your feet on rocks, gravel, sand, dirt, grass, even concrete. Just connect your flesh with the great outdoors. Your body is an energy circuit that is nurtured, healed and stimulated by the earth’s energy circuit. You are compatible. This energy is healing. Do this every day for at least 10 minutes. And if you can’t take your shoes off, touch a tree, a leaf a branch, a living thing that is connected to the earth; even if its in a pot. Yes, go all hippy, hug a tree. Risk being seen as a nutter. Better to be an alive nutter than a dead friend.

We are complex beings, cancer is a complex illness and I can’t say with any certainty that my above “prescription” is going to result in a “cure” for any one person.

But I do know that all of the above is working for me, I am doing it all, this is my multi-pronged approach, cobbled together from lots of soul searching and a deep desire to heal my broken life.

My relationship with myself, with my husband, son, family and friends has been transformed because of this crash course in learning how I didn’t love myself, how much I didn’t know how to let their love in … and that I was, I am worth loving. Worth is still growing in me, but every time someone loves me “anyway”, despite my imperfections and my flaws…my self-esteem grows and my love for God grows and the beauty of life grows too. There is definitely a ‘goodness’ to life, a force that wants me, wants us to live happy and fulfilled lives from the soul-based gifts we’ve been given, and share that with the world to make it a better place. Yes, I believe in Utopia! One should never stop dreaming.

Post Op Post Mortem…

The toilet paper consumption in our house has doubled in the past 5 weeks! This is a great sign… it means my dreamt-of-functional-bum has become a reality!

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Yes, I am a pooping machine….my bowels are working and have “opened up” from day 11 after the stoma reversal surgery that I underwent on 16th June, 2014.

While I am doing imaginary air-kicks inside, I’m not yet able to physically do them. This healing from surgery caper takes quite a while. My body is in a transition. After not using my nether regions, my pelvic floor muscles and anal area to “poo” for 14 months, it lay atrophying and had to kick into action, pronto, in a moment. So I hurt like I’ve pushed out a baby or done 1000 sit-ups per day…I ache inside and outside. But, at least my miraculous body works. Who ever said “if you don’t shit you die” was a wise soul.

The full recovery will take about 10-12 months, but I should be up to driving, doing simple chores and more agile movement at the 3 month mark. So far, at 5-6 weeks, I’m still Nanna shuffling around the house, living in my night dresses because I can’t bear any pressure around my waist area or on the scars/incisions from surgery, and it hurts to sit longer than 30 mins or stand for long periods. But, weekly that changes. I absolutely marvel at the genius, the intelligence of the human body, and how when we give it the right conditions, it heals magnificently. And even when we don’t, its tendency toward healing has me in awe. I feel my body, our bodies are a representation of God, of Life, that tendency towards healing, an innate capacity toward goodness, growth and all that’s possible when we allow it.

The Operation was not all plain sailing. The abridged version is that, while the colon rejoin went very well and my surgeon said that the amount of scar tissue from last surgery was “not too bad” (high praise from him), the “slipped” during surgery and cut open my posterior vaginal wall and had to repair that. Then I had a reaction to the anaesthetic and morphine pain relief drugs (one year of the cleanest eating, living and active detox will do that) and vomited, felt sick and disoriented for 3 days. I had a tube coming out of my bottom to drain fluids, one coming out my urethra for urine (so as I didn’t have to get up for days) and black blood flowing out of my vagina from the “slip”, which necessitated my wearing an adult sized “nappy” for days. A UTI (urinary tract infection) set in, requiring antibiotics to clear it up too.

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Whilst in hospital some nurses read my case notes that I was undergoing a natural therapy and had been to Mexico to do it. Many came and asked about juicing and health and many more commented on how healthy I looked, the clear and healthy state of my skin and were curious as to what I had been doing. One of my surgeons commented on how amazingly healthy I looked for a person who just had major surgery (5 hours of it) and they don’t see that too often. My bodily healing has been excellent.

Me and my “dilly bag” of bodily fluid in slow motion running!

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But once home, over 2 weeks, I contracted a horrible flu, chest infection, then vomiting and diarrhoea, then an unbearable earache, then a perforated eardrum. After a few visits to the doctors, more antibiotics resulted in more diarrhoea and I lost more weight (down to 58kg again) and now…2 more weeks on, am feeling much better and my digestion is improving as is my general wellbeing.

I can expect to always poop differently. A foot of large bowel that would usually absorb water has been permanently removed and I will always need to watch my hydration levels, keep my bowel consistency a more firmer than wetter, and the need to “go” is pretty urgent right now, but over 10 months that is supposed to ease.

My closed over stoma site and surgical incision site: (as they wheeled me into theatre I said to my surgeon, Dr Donovan, “Doc, when you’re stitching me up again, can you “think bikini”, I want a neat fine scar!” and he said “nah, I was thinking “train tracks”! – he did a pretty good job on the neat, fine line methinks). 

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After going through the surgery, I feel a great sense of relief. That is done. My body is normal again. The stoma is gone and only a neat little scar is in its place. I can do all the things a body can do again with ease (soon enough) ; sex, swimming, running, hiking, playing, bending over, wearing clothes on my waist line and a heap more.

I didn’t want to go through the trauma of the surgery, but then I thought of what it would mean to Russell and me as couple, to the way I want to live my life, to playing with our son in the ways I love to, to how I felt about me, and I realised that it would be worth it, once I was out the other side. And it is.

My year with a stoma was a good experience in the end and I don’t begrudge it one bit now. It taught me so much about myself, my body functions, made me love poo(!) and respect medical practitioners. It taught me to value my life and to have compassion for people in way I didn’t have before.

For anyone who has undergone stoma reversal, who like me had rectal bowel remaining (I had 14-16cm) and a functional sphincter, during the year i did many pelvic floor exercises to keep that area strengthened and my husband assisted me to do weekly enemas in the rectum to keep it toned and as part of my Gerson Therapy protocol. All this assisted my recovery and ensured my “bum” would work without too much fuss!

The Gerson Therapy has been on hold all this time, to resume when I can enema again with my new bum set-up…once I can lie on my side and get up off the floor!

Remember to check out http://www.ecotoys4kids.com… if you need any great eco toys, games or books for gifts and for any amazon.com shopping. Helps me juice my way to wellness!

Kat’s road to healing…Gerson Style is published!

Kat’s road to healing…Gerson Style is published!.

Hopefully, when you click on the link below, the pdf of the Gerson Institute’s Healing News for Summer 2014 will open up and you can access many great articles, including one on my healing journey Gerson-Style!

🙂 Kat

 

Gerson Newsletter 2014 Summer

Create a floral masterpiece with an Eco-Bouquet Kit!

Create a floral masterpiece with an Eco-Bouquet Kit!.

Last days of the stoma…

 

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After a year of a tummy-bum, it’s time to say “Adios”!

This weekend are my last days of a stoma – all going well with the surgical reversal of it on Monday 16th June. This is the end of a chapter and I will begin (to be blunt) poo-ing out of my bum like a normal person, once I heal and my re-joined colon settles down.  The above photo is how a stoma is formed. Part of the large (or small) intestine is cut and poked out through the gut wall. The remaining part or ‘stump’ is sealed off and left inside the abdomen until it is ready to be rejoined. This is the case in temporary, re-joinable stoma’s like mine. Below is a picture of a stoma bag, a disposable one, that adheres to the skin and over the stoma site. It is the poo-catcher!

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So it’s bye-bye tummy bum, bye-bye bag and sayonara to phantom-bum too! Phantom bum is the feeling to go to the toilet and push, though there isn’t anything to push out, because the rectal part of the colon is not attached to the functional part. It feels weird, but at least I know the ‘stump’ part of my colon is still functioning and has a peristaltic action and will spring into action again when it is rejoined to the rest of the colon. It has atrophied, but will heal.

I feel quite scared about undergoing 5 hours of major surgery to rejoin me. It involves both an epidural and a general anaesthetic, cutting my abdomen open from above my belly button to my pubic bone, and then separating the stoma-part of the colon from my abdominal wall, separating all the large intestine (it is stuck down with connective tissue and maybe scar tissue from the first operation) from the other internal organs and doing the re-join and putting my insides back together again. Basically I will be gutted like a fish, but then the guts are stuffed back in again and restitched up. I will have another long surgical incision to heal, can’t drive for 8 weeks and will need to take it very steady and rest much during that time. The last surgical scar was so neat and fine that I would have easily worn a bikini to the beach, (if it weren’t for the bag part). So I’ve said to the surgeon, “think Bikini!” when he stitches me back up again! Thanks to the healing Gerson Therapy my scar healed perfectly and faded to a fine white line too.

But, all going well, I will have a functional body again in a few weeks. And my self-image will improve. Having a bag felt very un-sexy and there’s been quite a few emotions to feel about myself. After a whole year, I am used to the stoma and the bag….but will be glad to see it go. I feel like I will be able to live a more full life without a bag, and be more free in myself to swim, do sport, have sex and wear comfortable clothing. Wearing bag meant I needed to dress differently, mostly to hide it as it pokes out of my clothes because of the position of it just above the belt line. It was difficult to make it invisible. I used to wear bike shorts under my dresses all summer and sweated more because of it. But it also prevent the stoma from prolapsing outward, which hurt.

Yes, I do feel nervous about doing a regular poo! That area of my body has not had to work for a year, is sensitive and will need some time to become pliable again! My amazing body will heal. I know it’s purpose and function is to fix itself, given the right conditions; I’m made that way. Our bodies are so intelligent and the healing mechanism awes me.

On Monday, once again I put my life into another’s hands. Surgeons, Anaesthetists, Nurses, Doctors, Phlebotomists. There have been many feelings for me to face about how scared I feel about that. Will they care enough about me? I am a feeling person to them? Do they want to help me? Can I trust in that. Some people are able to blow all that off and just go in and do these things. I am not one of them. I can’t ‘put up with’ something that hurts me, or just ignore it. These things leave me very emotional, usually crying. For example, nurses repeatedly doing a botched job of taking blood from my arm. I have to let out those feelings of being harmed and not listened to, being treated like a human pin cushion or them acting like I’ma body without feelings, or my suffering at the end of their expectations that I should toughen up and ‘put up’. That’s not me.

So in the past week I’ve let these fears surface and gradually faced each one, let out my tantrum or tears as its presented itself and gotten deep in and seen how, when I was hurt as a child, it broke my trust in adults. Ironically this whole hospital situation has helped me to heal this! I have to trust others, allow them to heal me, care for me, I have to “let them in”. And they’ve told me clearly that I must speak up and tell them of all my pains and issues with staff. I know that if I didn’t look at all these things that frighten me, by law-of-attraction they will most likely happen again. I have the power to change that. And…in my fears I got sick this week, so have had to spend time reflecting on all that has been bugging me and listen to my inner voice and its chatterings. Already my symptoms have eased and my heart is settling down. Thankfully, God has shown me my deeper grief and as it comes out the fears subsides proportionately.

Next I blog…I hope to have a normally functioning body! A new chapter of my life begins. Only one more year to go on the Gerson Therapy. With a successful stoma reversal and healing time, I can resume my studies as a primary school teacher, my life as a volunteer,  my other loves. The years of the cancer will be over…and my new life begun. I’m not yet sure what that looks like, but this is one more step closer to it! I feel like the addict who left rehab, who’s changed on the inside but gone out into a world that hasn’t changed on the outside..and i’m not yet sure how to live my new life in this old world.

And….remember, if you need to do any Amazon.com shopping (books, clothes, apps, gadgets, shoes etc) why not bookmark my http://www.ecotoys4kids.com website and on the home page, click on the “shopping” menu and let it be your Amazon.com gateway!

Every purchase is helping me juice my way to wellness, healing from cancer naturally!

xo Kat

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