Last days of the stoma…

 

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After a year of a tummy-bum, it’s time to say “Adios”!

This weekend are my last days of a stoma – all going well with the surgical reversal of it on Monday 16th June. This is the end of a chapter and I will begin (to be blunt) poo-ing out of my bum like a normal person, once I heal and my re-joined colon settles down.  The above photo is how a stoma is formed. Part of the large (or small) intestine is cut and poked out through the gut wall. The remaining part or ‘stump’ is sealed off and left inside the abdomen until it is ready to be rejoined. This is the case in temporary, re-joinable stoma’s like mine. Below is a picture of a stoma bag, a disposable one, that adheres to the skin and over the stoma site. It is the poo-catcher!

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So it’s bye-bye tummy bum, bye-bye bag and sayonara to phantom-bum too! Phantom bum is the feeling to go to the toilet and push, though there isn’t anything to push out, because the rectal part of the colon is not attached to the functional part. It feels weird, but at least I know the ‘stump’ part of my colon is still functioning and has a peristaltic action and will spring into action again when it is rejoined to the rest of the colon. It has atrophied, but will heal.

I feel quite scared about undergoing 5 hours of major surgery to rejoin me. It involves both an epidural and a general anaesthetic, cutting my abdomen open from above my belly button to my pubic bone, and then separating the stoma-part of the colon from my abdominal wall, separating all the large intestine (it is stuck down with connective tissue and maybe scar tissue from the first operation) from the other internal organs and doing the re-join and putting my insides back together again. Basically I will be gutted like a fish, but then the guts are stuffed back in again and restitched up. I will have another long surgical incision to heal, can’t drive for 8 weeks and will need to take it very steady and rest much during that time. The last surgical scar was so neat and fine that I would have easily worn a bikini to the beach, (if it weren’t for the bag part). So I’ve said to the surgeon, “think Bikini!” when he stitches me back up again! Thanks to the healing Gerson Therapy my scar healed perfectly and faded to a fine white line too.

But, all going well, I will have a functional body again in a few weeks. And my self-image will improve. Having a bag felt very un-sexy and there’s been quite a few emotions to feel about myself. After a whole year, I am used to the stoma and the bag….but will be glad to see it go. I feel like I will be able to live a more full life without a bag, and be more free in myself to swim, do sport, have sex and wear comfortable clothing. Wearing bag meant I needed to dress differently, mostly to hide it as it pokes out of my clothes because of the position of it just above the belt line. It was difficult to make it invisible. I used to wear bike shorts under my dresses all summer and sweated more because of it. But it also prevent the stoma from prolapsing outward, which hurt.

Yes, I do feel nervous about doing a regular poo! That area of my body has not had to work for a year, is sensitive and will need some time to become pliable again! My amazing body will heal. I know it’s purpose and function is to fix itself, given the right conditions; I’m made that way. Our bodies are so intelligent and the healing mechanism awes me.

On Monday, once again I put my life into another’s hands. Surgeons, Anaesthetists, Nurses, Doctors, Phlebotomists. There have been many feelings for me to face about how scared I feel about that. Will they care enough about me? I am a feeling person to them? Do they want to help me? Can I trust in that. Some people are able to blow all that off and just go in and do these things. I am not one of them. I can’t ‘put up with’ something that hurts me, or just ignore it. These things leave me very emotional, usually crying. For example, nurses repeatedly doing a botched job of taking blood from my arm. I have to let out those feelings of being harmed and not listened to, being treated like a human pin cushion or them acting like I’ma body without feelings, or my suffering at the end of their expectations that I should toughen up and ‘put up’. That’s not me.

So in the past week I’ve let these fears surface and gradually faced each one, let out my tantrum or tears as its presented itself and gotten deep in and seen how, when I was hurt as a child, it broke my trust in adults. Ironically this whole hospital situation has helped me to heal this! I have to trust others, allow them to heal me, care for me, I have to “let them in”. And they’ve told me clearly that I must speak up and tell them of all my pains and issues with staff. I know that if I didn’t look at all these things that frighten me, by law-of-attraction they will most likely happen again. I have the power to change that. And…in my fears I got sick this week, so have had to spend time reflecting on all that has been bugging me and listen to my inner voice and its chatterings. Already my symptoms have eased and my heart is settling down. Thankfully, God has shown me my deeper grief and as it comes out the fears subsides proportionately.

Next I blog…I hope to have a normally functioning body! A new chapter of my life begins. Only one more year to go on the Gerson Therapy. With a successful stoma reversal and healing time, I can resume my studies as a primary school teacher, my life as a volunteer,  my other loves. The years of the cancer will be over…and my new life begun. I’m not yet sure what that looks like, but this is one more step closer to it! I feel like the addict who left rehab, who’s changed on the inside but gone out into a world that hasn’t changed on the outside..and i’m not yet sure how to live my new life in this old world.

And….remember, if you need to do any Amazon.com shopping (books, clothes, apps, gadgets, shoes etc) why not bookmark my http://www.ecotoys4kids.com website and on the home page, click on the “shopping” menu and let it be your Amazon.com gateway!

Every purchase is helping me juice my way to wellness, healing from cancer naturally!

xo Kat

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. liveyourbliss
    Jun 24, 2014 @ 16:08:53

    Hi Kat, I’m so happy to see that you are fully healed. Many blessings to you on your path.

    In Light and with admiration for all that you are,
    Leigh

    Reply

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